Edward's Poems
by curlyhairedcrazygirl
Summary: When Bella is held in the Cullen's house by Alice Eclipse she finds a small ordinary book in Edward's room. It contains some of Edward's thoughts written in simple poems. She reads them stunned by the insight into Edward's mind.
1. A Whole Century

"Goodnight Bella" Alice called as she slipped round the door.

Alone. Finally. After being kidnapped and held against my will I was too furious to sleep. I looked around Edward's room, not much had changed since I'd last been there. Apart from that monstrosity of a bed. His huge collection of CD's and gigantic stereo were still there along with his black leather couch. As I scanned the room wandering what to do next, I saw a plain black leather bound journal lying on one of the shelves.

My heart started to beat faster as I edged my way towards it wondering if it might, just might be his diary. Trembling I picked it up. My fingers trembled as they started to open the cover. I hesitated, not sure if what was inside was something I wanted to know. 'If there was something important he would have told you' I remember thinking to myself. Considering he had heard me talking in my sleep spilling _my_ innermost secrets involuntarily, I had every right to know his.

First of all I was disappointed on opening it. There were no dates, no 'dear diary', it didn't have any of the marks of a traditional diary. But there was writing in there. His writing. My anger fading entirely, I was filled with a burning curiosity. I started to read and found although it wasn't a diary, it was interesting.

It was filled with poems, some short, some long all covering some aspect of Edward's life. The first spoke of the time passing over a whole century.

_Where has it gone?_

_A whole century,_

_No telegram from the Queen for me,_

_I'm seventeen,_

_If only they knew,_

_The truth._

_I remember the war ending,_

_Then the flu,_

_Lying in the hospital,_

_Screaming in pain,_

_The all-consuming fire._

_Then waking,_

_The thirst,_

_Knowing all minds._

_Another war,_

_Millions of lives lost,_

_Again._

_The invention of the motor car,_

_A good idea for once,_

_Speed, power,_

_And ordinariness._

_The awful music,_

_Ugh the Sixties were awful,_

_The Seventies too._

_The Cold War,_

_The fear,_

_The world could be destroyed,_

_Forever._

_The Taliban in Afghanistan,_

_More wars._

_The launch of the internet,_

_Very clever._

_The Millennium,_

_Then Her,_

_How she lit my sky,_

_It all pales into insignificance,_

_Compared to Her._

I paused, before turning the next page, amazed by the sudden realisation of what a century meant. It unnerved me, scared me. Slowly my fingers found the next page and turned it, wondering what else was written.


	2. The Enigma That Is Bella

I turned the next page, not quite sure what to expect. The next pages were dedicated to me. How could he love me this much I wondered reading his devoted words.

She's an enigma,

That never fails to astound,

She brightens my sky,

Like a hundred comets,

Blinding;

Her closed mind and hidden thoughts,

So unique,

Difficult sometimes,

But better,

So much better;

Her scent,

Oh how it burns,

The pain the pleasure,

The desire;

Yes she is incredible,

So impossible,

And I love her.

He had told me all this before, but I had never had enough time to realise what he really meant, how unique and improbable I actually was. The simple fact he had noticed me at all was amazing to me. Yet he was thinking and writing and feeling this much love. I sighed to myself and read on.


	3. How Fragile

I truly didn't know what to expect now. It was too late to even consider putting it back.

My practical side took other and I supposed I better pretend I actually was going to bed in case Alice decided to check up on me. After taking one look at the ridiculous bed I stripped the covers off and moved them to the couch instead. Impatiently I put on my pyjamas, brushed my teeth, eager to get back to the book. I found where I had left off and read again.

_So soft,_

_Dangerously soft,_

_Delicate,_

_Breakable;_

_How can I protect Her?_

_From myself,_

_When all I want is Her;_

_But is not just I who want Her,_

_Others too are entranced,_

_But not by Her,_

_Just Her smell;_

_She is in danger,_

_Always in danger,_

_From my life, my world,_

_Me;_

_I cannot stay with Her,_

_She matters too much,_

_Her life would be better without,_

_Me;_

_But She will never leave,_

_She doesn't believe me,_

_To protect her,_

_I will have to leave._

_Go,_

_For Her._

I shuddered as I read those last words, realising he must have written on the day he left me. I didn't want to think of those dark times but I now fully understood what had being going through his head. I still didn't agree with it.

I turned the light off, hoping to deceive Alice further (an impossibility and I knew it) and crept to my makeshift bed, hiding the book beneath the covers. I took a flashlight from my bag, and satisfied my new addiction further.


	4. Gone, Empty

_**Thanks to all my reviewers – I do write all the poems – I try to write as much as possible but my life is busy. Keep reading!**_

Curled up under the covers I turned on the flashlight and found where I left off. I presumed he had taken the book with him when he left, and I was right the next poem must have been written when he was away from me.

_Gone,_

_Empty,_

_How can I live?_

_When all I ever was,_

_Was Her;_

_No, I cannot go back,_

_She won't want me,_

_Anymore_

_I am poison,_

_Poisoning Her;_

_Everything reminds me of her,_

_From it rains,_

_She hated the rain,_

_To a Jane Austen novel,_

_How She loved those;_

_I left everything,_

_Everything that was me,_

_With Her;_

_I cannot see anything,_

_Worth living for,_

_At least,_

_Not anymore;_

_I had everything I wanted,_

_But I gave it up,_

_Her life is better now,_

_Mine is a black hole,_

_An endless abyss,_

_A doomed eternity,_

_She is gone,_

_I am lost,_

_She was my one,_

_And I love her._

His words summed up how I had felt completely, I could have written the poem. For just one second, I remembered how it had felt and waves of pain nearly drowned me. The old hole in my chest felt ragged around the edges and my breathing came in short gasps. Reality made itself known and got a grip on myself. Hoping the next poems wouldn't remind me of loss or pain I carried on.


	5. Bittersweet Reunion

**I'm really sorry I've been on holiday for the last week. I was going to update but we couldn't get a signal. Big apologies.**

**I haven't included the time he thought Bella was dead because I don't think he would have been thinking enough to hold a pen without breaking it. Keep reading!**

Sighing to myself, I was pleased to see the next pages were rather more positive. Well, they couldn't have got much worse. I tried to work out when he had written this next one. I eventually decided it must have been after we got back from Italy as I could see him writing it in the grip of the Volturi's lair.

_She is mine again,_

_She lives on in this cruel world,_

_Yet it is no longer cruel for me,_

_She is here,_

_And She loves me;_

_There is bitterness,_

_To this victory,_

_She may be mine,_

_But now others know of Her,_

_And they feel no love,_

_For Her;_

_She is doomed to my fate,_

_To be forever in the twilight of this world,_

_To become a monster of the night,_

_To become a creature without a soul;_

_I will protect Her,_

_And while I exist,_

_It will never happen,_

_Unless it is the only way,_

_For Her to survive;_

_But until then,_

_I shall protect Her,_

_From this greatest of evils,_

_With every fibre of my being,_

_Until._

This was going to be one of the hardest battles, I realised. My immortality or lack of it. He had agreed, grudgingly, to change me but I knew his heart wasn't in his words. I knew his conditions. Marriage. Ugh. Eventually he would have to change me. Otherwise I would die. Feeling that old corpse of that particular argument rising, I mentally let it drop, and agreed with myself to think about it later.


	6. Jealousy and the Final Poem

**I feel kind of evil having to tell you this, but this is the last ever chapter. Sorry. I only planned to do six in the first place, totalling 1500 wordsish. I didn't want to go on forever. Anyway it also occurred to me that this happened in eclipse so Bella hasn't seen newborns yet or fallen in love with Jacob so Edward won't have written about it. I might do a sequel in Breaking Dawn so I have some more to write about. Hmm. sorry to my readers but hey. **

I turned the page and realised with a jolt that this was the last page he had written on. I felt cheated almost like he'd done it on purpose, just to annoy me. I supposed it might be for the best though his poems unnerved even scared me. Savouring my last moments with the book I read the final poem.

_There is another now,_

_That holds Her heart,_

_He knows it,_

_She will,_

_Eventually;_

_She denies it,_

_Fiercely,_

_But I see his thoughts,_

_I know how he knows,_

_And he is so right;_

_She no longer belongs to just me,_

_She is split,_

_Her loyalties divided,_

_Her love rationed,_

_It hurts;_

_I love her more than it is possible,_

_If every leaf was a normal amount of love,_

_I would have forests covering the earth,_

_For Her;_

_If every drop of water,_

_Showed how much I loved Her,_

_The oceans would flood all land,_

_For Her;_

_She will never abandon me,_

_But,_

_Could that be worse?_

_To live forever,_

_Knowing,_

_That She was with another;_

_The fire that rages across my sky,_

_My sleeping solace in the long wakeful nights,_

_My temptress,_

_My darling,_

_My beauty_

_and,_

_My love._

I slumped where I lay physically felling the anguish he must have felt writing this. I couldn't keep seeing Jacob if this is what it did to him. But I couldn't not. I needed to love Edward completely I thought, not as he put it 'splitting myself'. I vowed that when he came back I would nice to him and forgive him for locking me up here. I understood why now. He was jealous just as Angela had said. And he fiercely denied. I got up and put the book back feeling years older.

I lay on my makeshift bed on the couch, trying to control my spinning thoughts, when I heard a knock on the door. "What Alice?" I said imagining her expression at my couch bed. Then I saw Rosalie standing at the crack of the door "Can I come in?" she asked, her beautiful features barely visible in the half light.

**This is where the scene in eclipse finishes. In the real book Bella just fumes on the couch for a bit. Thank you so much for reading.**


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